Assert Your Will
Dear Shelby (age 10),
This morning we had another one of those mornings. We started with loving words and good mornings and then faster than I could believe possible you were stomping and rolling eyes and I was thinking of the punishments I wanted to throw at you.
Why? Because we disagreed. You wanted to do one thing and I wanted you to do another and even though you kept explaining why, I didn’t want to listen. And then we took a breath. Okay, it wasn’t that quick. First we both pouted and had mean thoughts in our head and used your younger sister as a buffer trying to get back to better. I gave you a bit of the silent treatment and you gave me the stink-eye. What a waste of time! Then we took a breath! And gave each other a hug. I said, “Good job asserting your will again. Thank you for doing it.”
I know asserting your will against me actually isn’t easy. I know I overreacted. Here’s the hardest part of all of this. We have to keep doing this, you and me! You have to keep practicing telling me no and why your way is right (which implies that I am wrong). I have to remember that I’m one of the best and safest people to learn how to assert your will with. If you are going to do this at school and later in the boardroom, you have to learn how to make your voice heard. You have to make your arguments and get the other people in the room to listen. Not just when you are right or the most powerful person in the room, but even when you have the least amount of power and you aren’t sure if are right. And to get to that point, you have to practice. So I can’t believe I’m saying this, but please keep practicing with me. Keep asserting your will and showing me why your way makes sense. Keep taking deep breaths and starting over when it doesn’t go smoothly at first. Find other people to practice with and help your sister and other girls practice as well.
For the record, I still think I was right this morning. You probably do too. And I love that! I love you always and I am forever proud of you!
Your Mom
Heather Campbell is the CEO of Ready Set Recover.